Home International affairs Lou Dobbs and the Mystery of the Missing Birth Certificate

Lou Dobbs and the Mystery of the Missing Birth Certificate


Lou Dobbs has been on the air for 30 years. In chronological years, he is not an old man these days. But in keeping up with the times, in educating himself, and in thinking of the future, is he living in a past age? Has time passed him bye? Does he still wear brown shoes with navy blue suits?

He is leaving television, perhaps worn down by decades of arduous showing up, sitting behind a desk and reading words from a piece of paper. He wants to do something important. But what could be more important than showing up, sitting behind a desk and reading words from a piece of paper? He says that many and important individuals have come to meet with him, men of vision, seeking wisdom from this man who knows how the world works from his 30 years of experience of showing up, sitting behind a desk and reading words from a piece of paper.

But Lou Dobbs, Harvard graduate, Idaho law school drop-out, is more than simply a good reader. He has uncovered a possible plot so sinister that it can hardly be mentioned with credulity. He, through his tedious daily effort…showing up, sitting behind his desk, reading from a piece of paper…discovered a plot that may have begun as long as some 48 years ago to create documentation enabling the election of not only a Black President, but one with the middle name “Hussein.”

Lou Dobbs does not give up on a story. Never has he stopped in the middle of reading the news, from a paper, sitting behind his desk, to turn to the audience and discuss football scores or his last golf game. This time, after reading a story in which someone had claimed that a sitting President might be technically illegal, he sprang into action…as much as he was allowed to do by his bosses at CNN.

Dobbs quite appropriately demanded that a birth certificate be brought to him so that he could see it, touch it, smell and perhaps lick it. In other words he wanted to see for himself the same certificate that was provided by the State of Hawaii, one that was touched and smelled by many otherwise normal members of the national press corps, by Senators, by Congressmen, average citizens, surfboarders and passers bye.

Undoubtedly, he would have touched it and smelled it if it had been brought to him. He was certainly not going to Hawaii himself, not a national news person whose distinctive 30-year legacy is that he has always shown up, sat behind his desk and read from a page of words. It would be something of a departure for him unless he were ordered to go to Hawaii by an oppressive management team, to see the evidence for himself.

Seeing it, you see, is not good enough for the extremely thorough Lou Dobbs. He must touch it, smell it, rub it, perhaps lick it. Dobbs is so thorough that he is probably a closet skeptic. He may be an atheist or at least an agnostic. He has, however, accepted the number “12 million” for illegal aliens although to our knowledge he hasn’t touched every one of them. He may not have touched any of them. So does he believe that there is a God? We don’t know. We are pretty sure that he hasn’t touched God and God hasn’t touched him, although something may have.

Dobbs has now resigned from CNN to pursue–we don’t know what. Perhaps he will make a trip to Hawaii to visit the Birth Certificate Conspirators and try to wring the truth out of them. The ones most closely involved would now be old enough that he could simply pick them up with one hand and shake them until they spill the beans.

Dobbs lives in Essex County, New Jersey, which would not be relevant except for a second matter. The Dobbs estate is situated in an area of reasonably large pieces of land where, it has been said, deer run for their lives in the Fall. Shots rang out a couple of weeks ago near Dobbs’s house and a bullet hole was found in a wall. Not good. Whether it is hunters or not, here is the kicker. He has been receiving a lot of threatening phone calls from, according to him, Hispanic, pro-immigration groups or people claiming to be such.

See now, here’s where we stand with a man whom some call “Mr. Pompous Ass.” Who calls him that? The same people who are behind the gun-shots…but we’re not certain yet who they are.

Here’s the point: You don’t go around threatening people nor do you—ever—take a shot at their houses. That’s jail time, baby. One, two…maybe five years. If you are dumb enough or nutty enough to shoot at someone’s house, well, don’t. There isn’t anyone bad enough, not Limbaugh, not Savage, not Beck…evil enough or doing enough damage to this country. You shoot and automatically you’re worse than they are. End of subject.

Dobbs says that it was his enemies who shot at the house, not his gun-toting, deer-terrifying neighbors. So why do these people not like Dobbs? It is simple–because he doesn’t agree with us or the people we agree with. Why can’t he simply agree with us and let us have our way? What does he expect…his own opinion? Well, he can’t have it. So help me God and Geraldo Rivera.

Dobbs wants us to set up more big government bureaucracy to enforce immigration laws by shutting down companies that hire illegal immigrants. That’s number one. Number two, he wants us to shut down the borders. In order to shut down the borders we would have to have people to do it. Would the cost of hiring the people to shut down the borders be effective in reducing the costs of illegal aliens? (Terrestrial). Dobbs must also want to set up some kind of procedure for keeping some families here, grandfathering them in and sending others back. These are tough decisions. We would like to see Mr. Know-it-all be the one to make those decisions.

Although far to the left of Lou Dobbs, many Liberals would say…it’s obvious that this will not work…send the whole family back or just leave the kid here to go into an orphanage. Not many families will leave their kids behind. Everyone would like to see every single illegal gang member deported and do them first.

But it is interesting that in this terribly flawed society that Mr. Dobbs speaks of on his conservative radio program, the only people he mentions as contributing to the problem, were “the liberal press,” “Pelosi and Reid” and somehow George Soros. But then, doesn’t’ everyone knock George Soros? They can’t very well knock Warren Buffett. He’s a super rich, genial, Midwesterner who has done everything the way the Conservatives think it should be done, and is a huge benefactor with his wealth, not ostentatious, not particularly political…so they have to attack the other Billionaire, Soros, because he has an accent and most people don’t know he is basically the same as Buffett.

So what about the vicious, para-military attacks to Dobbs and his Hispanic wife, Debi. (Yes. Debi? Go figure.) Yes, he has an Hispanic wife, born in Mexico. Yes. But she doesn’t do hedges. In fact, she carries a gun. Right into the airport, where she was arrested in 2003 for carrying one.

So, Lou Dobbs’ wife is a pistol-packin’ momma, the Annie Oakley of Upper-Lower-Lower-Upper Essex County. Does she run around those multiple acres out there in Essex County, armed and dangerous? If so, maybe it was a neighbor firing back at her that caused those bullet holes in the curtains or the siding? We hear that many of the neighbors dress in hunting outfits, grab a 12-gauge and go looking for dinner. Or for Geraldo Rivera.

It is all pretty strange. It may be entertaining to have multi-millions to spend on Aston-Martins and large acreages relatively near New York City. But there are obviously stresses. Whom do you call to patch bullet holes in the cedar shingles? On the other hand, if you need to carry a weapon or your wife feels the need, and you are otherwise pretty rational people…then…what price celebrity?

Let’s go back to one of Dobbs’ pet theories. We need to see, touch, smell and taste the actual birth certificate of Barry Obama. If President Obama is not a real citizen, then he must be put aside and we would have, under the laws of our nation, Joe Biden as President., and someone–just to be fair to everyone, an Independent as Vice President—say,. Bernie Sanders of Vermont. We could live with that.

Biden is a popular, hard-left-leaner, favors unions, single payer health care, expanded Medicare, higher taxes on the rich, strict controls on Wall Street, and finally getting financial and manufacturing firms to pay their fair share of taxes. Sanders would stop pretending that this new medical proposal is not a big government take-over. He would simply be honest, frank and go right ahead and socialize all health care. Finally, he would give something to the Right Wing, something tangible to complain about rather than merely the fantasies of the Right Wing talkers. He would also oversee the re-establishment of the fairness doctrine, Glass-Steagall, and raising the minimum wage to $8 per hour, which would all come out of the money that the Republicans hoarded and are not investing anyway.

If we admit that that there is a pretty good case for the fact that Barack Obama was not born an American citizen or was not born in Hawaii, then we must find out how he was able to insert his phony birth certificate into the record? We can all pretty much agree that despite the fact that a fetus is an “unborn child” they do not have highly developed planning skills. So he must have had co-conspirators.

He was a very precocious child. He may have decided that he wanted to be President at a very early age and asked his grandfather for help. His grandfather would have proceeded to wherever he was really born, Kenya, perhaps, and somehow eliminated those records first, and then come back to Hawaii, safe in the knowledge that, frankly, most Americans cannot find Kenya on a map but also Hawaiians have admitted that they do not believe it exists. Lou Dobbs, of course, is skeptical about all this. How did Obama’s mother even get into Kenya if she did not believe it existed?

Despite the fact that the woman who was an assistant to the (supposed) delivering doctor at the time has said that she recalls the birth, there is no question that the several newspaper accounts, routine birth notices could have been doctored at least as late as the time Barry (called that in his basketball star, pre dedicated-student days) decided to buckle down and start really getting good grades.

That is when it could have happened, when he finally considered that he could–indeed must–become President, as there were very few good jobs for men appearing to be black in those days. If he could somehow fake his birth certificate, he could become the first U.S. President from Hawaii. It must have been a humbling thought, amidst those other schemes in his head at the time.

These guys were good. If, in fact, it was the mother, father and grandfather, they had a longer horizon than Al Qaeda. This may mean, if Obama is not secretly an Arab, that we will be safe for at least 48 years. If he planned his Presidency from before birth, then what does he have planned for 2059?

Not even a gigantic ego like Lou Dobbs, who was so successful at…sitting at a desk and reading things…on television could have considered when he was a teen that he should get his high school pals to help him, say, get into Harvard so that he could one day get on the as yet unplanned CNN, carried over the as yet unheard of fiber-optics that would lead to the then impossible cable networks. Of course we don’t know that he didn’t. We can be pretty sure that Geraldo did. Don’t you think?

How much trouble would it have been for anyone, virtually anyone to walk in to the clerk’s office of Hawaii, right off the street and fix the records? No problem. Then go to the files of the newspapers, steal them all and substitute a new item announcing the arrival of a bouncing baby boy to Barry’s parents. Easy. Anyone with a CIA, ASA, OSS, and FBI background, with ten years experience in the newspaper printing business could have done it. Anyone.

They would simply have a release printed with the name and date of birth of one Barack Hussein Obama, then make it look like it was done in that earlier era, then stick it in a file. How fricking complicated is that? How difficult would it be in a place like Hawaii…everyone goes out surfing for lunch…to sneak in and drop a Hawaiian birth certificate into a file drawer? Are you kidding? Even Liddy and the Watergate Gang could do it without getting caught…this time.

And wasn’t it clever of them, these Obama-phile deviants, when he was born to give him that middle name, Hussein? They were so sharp in anticipating a definite bias against Muslims by 2008, to make him work just that little bit harder to get elected. These people are incredibly thorough.

So let’s go back to the Lou Dobbs/Orly Tate Theory. Or at least the theory that Dobbs continues to wonder about. Dobbs, to be fair, wonders about many things. Of course he no longer wonders about the evidence for smoking being hazardous to one’s health. He has seen touched and smelled packages of cigarettes with that very warning on them.

Why would the tobacco companies put such warnings on their products if it were not true? He knows for certain that there are 12 million illegal aliens from Mexico, not to mention who knows how many from outer space that now inhabit our hospital waiting and emergency rooms. He knows because Tom Tancredo told him and Tom may be Hispanic and why would someone possibly Hispanic lie about it?

You see how easy these things are. Use your head as Lou does. And that brings us to his leaving CNN. He is going to go off and do “important things.” Parenthetically, we must say that showing up, reading pages correctly, sitting behind a desk is not a totally insignificant skill. But his new endeavors must be more important, for example, than reading from a paper about what the Drudge Report said that morning. So what could he do that he did not do in 30 years of reading pages at a desk in front of a camera?

He would finally be free to ask, for example, why those members of Congress who were guiding a bill through Congress that is said to be revenue neutral—how that will come about. How would they insure that it would be revenue neutral, specifically? He could ask some real policy wonks to get together with him at his game preserve in Essex County to formulate specific policies to solve the illegal immigration problem. Certainly that has been an issue near and dear to him, and ostensibly to his armed spouse.

Apparently, after 30 years, CNN would not give him the control over the time in his own program. If they had, he could have looked up from his reading and given a member of congress a full five minutes to discuss that aspect, then given another member of Congress a couple of minutes to rebut or modify with a better suggestion, and then put up on a blackboard the essential principles that they agree on and let the country know that this is what might be possible. Then, if he had been given any control over his own working life…he actually doesn’t seem that much of a toady but you never know…he could have continued to have more and more legislators on his program to continue to refine the legislation…right there in front of all Americans and the ghost of Davey Sarnoff. Maybe that is what he will do now that he has some control of his life, poor guy.

Sad that Lou was so oppressed that none of these things happened. No trip to Hawaii to see and touch the birth certificate or pronounce it a fake. No interview to find out how they snuck in and replaced birth certificates. No asking the remaining conspirators if they ever asked Barry if he really did want to be President when he grew up!

And of course the head counts of the illegal terrestrial and illegal extra-terrestrial aliens, the counts for the number of them in ERs around the country. Can you imagine that a rich company like CNN could not have afforded that kind of simple research? How many people does it take to walk into an ER and shout in Spanish: is anyone here an illegal alien? CNN is a big, rich company! But would they do that simple thing for their star news reader? No.

So what has prompted this judgment that our country has become doomed in the last six months, according to Dobbs? That is, besides George Soros having so much money. Perhaps it was the stimulus, and if that was part of it, we should all understand—the stimulus should not have been done…based on a technicality.

Here’s how it works. If someone goes to get a job requiring a driver’s license but the driver’s license is a fake, then technically, even if they get the job, they don’t have the job. So should a President without a birth certificate be able to create what was estimated to be one million jobs? Technically, No.

In fact, the more jobs an unbirthed President creates, the worse it would be, technically speaking. Technically, he shouldn’t even be living in the White House…a black man…until we get this cleared up. Obama should be forced to live in his almost-as-large but much more comfortable house in Chicago until this is all cleared up to Lou Dobbs’ satisfaction.

So here’s the thing. What is Lou Dobbs going to do now? And here’s the other thing. No one cares. Except perhaps the people shooting at him or at his house. Maybe they just don’t like his house.

But people have to stop shooting at his house or we’ll have to get a whole squadron of Liberals to stand outside. Why Liberals? Dobbs’ friends on the Right are not going to stand there, for several reasons. First, they don’t care if people shoot people. That is what guns are for. Second, they are worried that Dick Cheney might have some hunting buddies that live over there on one of those other estates who would let him wander around. Third, they don’t care if people shoot people, especially if the people being shot at are not them and even better if they are not even American citizens.

Many people, especially Neocons, will miss Lou Dobbs. Some will watch Fox News to find new and more relevant conspiracy theories. Some will watch programs on paranormal experiences. Or how Nostradamus predicted that someone in the 20th Century would substitute a birth certificate, become a President, then a Dictator…then the world would catch on fire and blow up. (The nice thing is that they can always use the same film footage.) Others, like Dick Cheney, will merely entertain themselves with cartoons or nature programs where lions catch and eat weaker animals while they are still alive.

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